The third least likely event on earth happened today. It wasn't that Ricky Allison refused a pizza (the second least likely event on earth), nor that Craig "Guv" Allan played defence and didn't poach (the most unlikely event on earth). Rather, it was that three... yes, three!... potential Slayers pulled out of a game football. Me thinks seven too many turkeys were eaten this passed weekend...
The capacity crowd (yes, every seat was taken) wasn't really expecting much. As the Slayers walked onto the pitch, their walk looked like the waddle of him who had eaten too much. But play started...
Unfortunately towards the start of the game, the turkey butt of Feetch was just too heavy to move out of the path of the Scottish McCausland and so Capt. Kirk's engineer fell to concrete faster than the Enterprise at warp 9. A moment's silence for the fallen Slayer was observed as he was helped off the pitch and had to merely watch the rest of the game. We're with you in your pain, brother.
Even with their loss, the winners kept play passionate, powerful and penetrating. The Baron of the concrete field was as strong as ever and was able, on more than one occasion, to spot the Quiet Man that is Ian Currie. Ian, with patience and skill, was able to move the ball around and weave through anyone how got in his way. And let's not forget the legend of the net, Rick Hill — he wasn't letting anything get passed him. That goes for his play out of nets, too. Towering over the opposition he was able to spot gaps when they appeared.
Ingy Pingy Ging Jang Jingy, a recent transfer from the Vietnamese Saturday morning division three, was someone the winners hadn't counted on. With death defying lunges and the wearing of two t-shirts, he was able to snatch the big yellow ball from the opposition and, in some cases, stop it ever reaching its intended target. His only problem? Torquay is more likely to win the UEFA cup than he is likely to score.
As such, he depended much on the rest of his team: Pete "Eagle Eye" McCausland, Feetch "Alan" Cuthbert, Wilson and Rookie Connolly. Some super passing was on show between the team and on more than one occasion (14 occasions to be exact) this ended in a goal.
But the losers just couldn't withstand the pressure being placed on them and quickly ran out of puff. Paul "Piece" Clarke was simply outstanding in nets — deflecting anything that came his way. When out of the goals, Piece was a solid member and was able to place passes superbly.
So the scoreline was controversial: 15-14, with the winners a man down for most of the match. The losers know that this will be rubbed in by everyone who reads this more deeply than sun lotion on the back of some chick on a southern Mediteranean beach by someone who is decidely not her boyfriend.
If this is seen as a warm up for the upcoming Old Men v. Young Boyz match, then the Old Men will have a real challenge on their hands. The Slayer fraternity is ready, they are willing, and they will win this year.
Winners
Paul "Piece" Clarke for an all round solid game: stood tall in nets and ran fast on the field. Well played! (Plus he gave this reporter a lift down at short notice.) ;-)