The challenge was set on the flagstones of history in the only place fitting enough to witness such an event. Outside 1st Antrim after Sunday Worship! The young pretender to the empty throne - because we had just made it up half an hour before - made Mourinho look as humble as a lazy swine of a dog on depressants after a heavy drinking night out with Gazza and Georgie B.
The venue was Faction and the beavening was Thursday. Farcly prepared the challenge and revelled in the role of preparer. And prepare he did! A super mighty meaty to challenge Mount Kilimanjaro! This beauty wasnt far off. And the challenge itself? Pritchard had 23 minutes to down the beast. Oh, how he wasnt so confident come the night of recognition. But how he delighted in his role of Anika Rice to complete and uncompletable...to be written in folk lore down the ages of Farondom.
And so the contest began, Faron as time keeper and Jonay as gate keeper...
Things got off to a flying start, after only 9 mins half was eaten! Faron and Jonay couldnt believe their eyes... this was outstanding! Forget Roony's debut hat-trick... forget Pinsent winning 4 Olympic golds... pritch was on the rampage!
15 mins gone and things slowing down. Only 2 and a half slices left. Surely a formality? Surely...Pritch took a pit stop and refueled with water while barfing in Loiuse's face... nice. If this bad boy was going to blow he'd make St Helen's look like a fart going off in a very large hall. Pritch could have wiped out 4 counties with the concoction fueling that stomach...
... 3 mins left...smaller bites and slower chewage. As Faron and Jonay goaded this now fading giant on his knees with mockery and insults pritch turns round in anger and screams...are you not entertained?! ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED?! While spraying ham shrapnel round the walls. (Not entirely true actually but I gotta spice things up for the public...)
... 1 minute left and Pritch calls it time with 5/6s of a piece remaining. A disaster relief team is flown in from Iraq just in case this one blows. A 3 mile radius is evacuated and satellite covergae cancelled. After quarantine Pritch emerges a broken man. A victim of his own arrogance but notheless a valiant effort whenever he had been deserted by friends and family to embark on this adventure.
It was a slice too far... the slice that got away... raiders of the lost faction... lord of the slices: the fellowship of the faction... clear and present indigestion...etc etc