:: Four Feet Longer ::

Roman Legion 20 - Barbarian Horde 16

August 16th 2004, Antrim Forum

This week there was something different. It wasn't simply that Ormo-san had just returned from his successful crusades in Japan having eaten a sea merchant raw and having drunk one whole can of sweat after stealing a granny's bike. Nor was it merely that Ingram had come to the realisation that Paul "Sparman (retired)" Clarke could no longer present the coveted Sparboot due to the retired trolley pusher's move to pumping up tires and oiling chains. Something far worse was afoot...

The Antrim Forum, Slayers' humble arena, had switched the battlefield around ninety degrees making the pitch four feet longer! This could only be the work of the enemy... hoping to tire the valiant souls by making them run further and harder. But fear not, for these few, these fighting few, this band of brothers, are Slayers. And they were ready.

Tradition says that the Slayers never start on time and this night was no different, with Davy "Boy" Houston, Steve "Always On Form" Caldwell and Craig "Everyone's Guv'nor" Allen running on to the pitch just seconds before the ball was kicked. Clod, who is always on form, was on top form tonight cutting through the first, second and third lines of defence before attacking the city of Theg Oals single handedly with his right boot. But both Dee and Shorty Martin, not to be out done by the Roman, did likewise but in the opposite direction, plundering and pillaging as they went.

"We take risks not to escape life
but to keep life from escaping us."
Baron, "Bedroom Art", 16.08.04

And so the battle carried on, with a nip nip here and a tuck tuck there and Tommy "Old McDonald" McClaine humming away in the background (too old to take part in battle). Super saves by both Gav and the unstoppable Ricky kept the Barbarian Horde in it, but as the battle wore on and the sun began to set, the slick trickery and killer skill of Tim, the only Baron of a football pitch, and Pete, the only sporty art student, were just too much. This caused the morale of the Barbarian Horde to drop lower than one of Special K's jokes. Ingram, who was having as much impact in the game as the voting public does in local elections, could do nothing but shout, grunt and howl loudly (as any good Barbarian should).

Nothing more needs to be said. The battle for the land of Winn Ers had been fought and won. Rome has once again increased the size of its Empire - its light shines more brightly on these shores due to the defeat of the Barbarians.

But all is not lost, young one who is reading this, for my "Seeing Pool" tells me that the land of Winn Ers will be fought over again...

Teams

Winners (Roman Legion) - Stephen "Clod" Caldwell, Craig "Guv" Allen, Tim "Baron Von Scores-a-lot" Matchett, John "Ormo-san" Ormo, Pete "Nimble-but-Nice" McCausland
Losers (Barbarian Horde) - David "Dee" Houston, Gavin "Poetry In Motion" Todd, Rick "Unstoppable" Allison, Jonathan "Shorty" Martin, Mark "Victim" Ingram
Missing In Action - Paul "Halfords Man" Clarke, Sammy "Romeo" Brownlee, Rick "Small Mountain" Hill

SparBoot

He answered the call and came running. Without stopping for a break after the onslaught that was held in the little known province of Rug Byt Raining, and keeping his chin up even when faced with utter defeat, this week's glory goes to none other than Dee Houston. Well played, lad!