Things didn't look good even before this match started: Jeff "Babyface" Shaw was missing in action; Alan "Feetch" Cuthbert was buying us all Christmas presents; Paul "Afroman" Clarke was at the hairdressers looking for a higher perm; and Stevie "Spec-Ops" K was out of the country "on business". (Raymond wouldn't say why he couldn't play.)
But Slayers' formation manager, Jonny "BFG" Martin, was not to be dismayed. Late attempts to round up troops resulted in Rick "The Locomotive" Allison and Tommy "Two Touch" McClaine filling in to make it five-a-piece. This was an unexpected return for "Vet" McClaine - he'd been through the wars and has the scars to prove it. It was good to see him back!
The game got off to a flying start for Betty. She'd just bought a 12bhp, turbo, twin-battery zimmerframe and was putting it to good use through front man Mache. He launched six straight passed Rick who could only look on bewildered. This put Betty in a good mind set and she continued on her merry way to the laydeez room in that style. Agnus, on the other hand, was not in good form. Her T-Spark, twin exhaust (with extra handle bar) wasn't quite up to the task. Letting in six right at the start was a bad start but she was determined.
"Nam-Vet" McClaine kept a level head and used Sammy "Turn Off That T-Shirt" Brownwise to create opportunities with "The Reaper" Martin and "I Use Daz On My Whites" Perky. These front men were giving "Back Again" Orme and "Wants A Chinese At The Moment" Ingram grief. But Betty's bodily defense against Old People's Disease kept her safe through amazing saves by star keeper Gav "Too Hot To Handle" Todd.
Play of the journey to the laydeez room has to go to Betty. During the duration of the play the ball didn't touch the ground once. "Hotty" Todd launched the ball in the direction of "SAS Man" Mache who lifted a foot and swung... made contact... and after that all that could be heard was "The Grim Reaper" saying "Back Of The Net!".
Pete "Bandana" McCausland had an amazing game. With intricate skill that at times even confused his own players, he kept Betty a frame ahead going into the cubical... and because the rest of this story is pretty disgusting we'll just leave it there.
Final reckoning by Santa's chief elf: Even though Agnus brought in outside troops in the shape of Sammy's mum, Betty couldn't be beaten. Betty took the match hands down from Agnus who was still struggling to come to terms with her gray hair.
Teams:
Betty: Tim, Pete, Gav, Orme, Mark
Agnus: Jonny, Tom, Sammy, Rick, Perky.
Sparboot: Even though Gav made stunning saves and kept his defence in line, the Sparboot this week goes to Tim "SAS Rtd." Matchett for a record number of goals, 950, and scoring them in such style. Well done Tim!